Understanding & Recognizing The Will Of The Lord

Johnny Ahlstrom got home today from New Jersey - engaged.  He is happy and I think that he will be a little different from here on out.  His heart and most of his brain are somewhere in N.J.

I had a very special experience this evening.  We held a Bishop's court for R.  The details were extensive and many transgressions involving chastity, word of wisdom and honesty were involved.  In Bishop Shelley's experience it was the most compounded court that he had ever dealt with.  After the initial part of the court, R was excused and we talked.  My head was spinning.  I didn't know what to think.  Being the second counselor, the Bishop asked for my recommendation first.  I didn't know what to say.  He gave Brent and I more time to think.  I was praying fervently that the Lord would make His will manifest to me.

At first I felt that disfellowshipment would be appropriate.  I almost said that.  Then, as I thought, I decided against that.  I just felt that probation would be the right thing.  I told the Bishop my decision.  He tried to hide a smile that came over his face.  I wasn't sure what that meant and it made me nervous but I felt good about my suggestion.  Brent expressed the same desire.  We then knelt in prayer and we felt the confirmation of the Spirit.  The Bishop also felt that probation was the correct decision.

It was a special feeling of gratitude that came into my heart.  The decision was unanimous and the Lord was able to make His will known to us.

I'm tired - mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally!


JC

Participating In A Bishop's Court

I blew my stats final today.  It lowered my grade in the course from an A to a B.  I was very discouraged.  Sometimes I just don't feel I have the smarts that it takes to do the job.

I participated in a Bishop's court this evening.  It was an important experience for me.  I felt a spirit of love throughout the trial and that made things go smoothly.  I'm impressed a great deal with both Bishop Shelley and with Brent Thomas, the first counselor.

I represented The Church and found it difficult to bring strong allegations to someone while they sat right in front of me.

The decision of the court was unanimous and it greatly reinforced my testimony.

Tracy Milligan and I went for a walk last night and again this evening.  I really can pick 'em.  She is leaving for Arizona tomorrow then home to Colorado then she will be off to France for a year!


JC

When Dad Said "I Love You" & Sitting On The Stand As A New Bishopric Member

When President Andersen announced my name to be the second counselor in the bishopric my heart was pounding.  I could feel it as it raced the blood through my arteries, straining my neck against the collar of my shirt.  I was asked to sit on the stand.  Although I was nervous and my hand trembled as I held the hymnal, I did feel good to be up there.  I still feel like John Christensen.  I felt inadequate as usual during my temple recommend interview with Bishop Shelley.  How could I possibly say yes to a question asking if I was totally honest in all my dealings with my fellowmen.  I said yes.  What does that say about me?

I called Dad tonight and had a good talk with him.  It was mostly about trivial stuff like tennis but it felt comfortable to talk with him.  At the end of the conversation I told him, as I often do, that I loved him.  I must have caught him off guard or something miraculous happened, because he said "I love you too."  I almost went into a state of shock!  That must be the first time in the last 15 years of so that I can remember him saying those exact words!  I've always known that he has loved me but there truly is something magical about those three words.

Finals week is coming up this week.  I have three tests to take in three days.  I hope that I can stay current in my journal!

I don't remember exactly what President Andersen said as I was being set apart as a counselor in the bishopric, but I do remember the feeling of closeness to spiritual things.  It did feel good.


JC

The Power Of The Spirit To Change Lives In The MTC

It is a humbling thought to realize the tremendous forces that are influencing lives for good at the Missionary Training Center.  Elder Cluff (Big Elder Cluff) and his district are leaving this week.  The changes that have taken place in him are like night and day.  2 1/2 weeks ago he was rude, cocky and rebellious.  Tonight in class he sat on the front row, participated in the lesson and expressed his excitement as he prepared to enter the mission field.  No other influence save that of the Spirit could create such a miraculous change in so short of a time.

Today has been a non-stopper and yet as I drove home at 9:00 p.m. from the MTC, I thought how boring life would get if there weren't lots of things to do.

John A. is battling with the truth lamp in a loving effort to get it to stay on.  He is studying for the GMAT.  What a great friend.


JC

Being Called Into The BYU Singles Ward Bishopric

I'm not sure that I will ever bear my testimony again!

Bishop Shelley called this morning and asked me to go see the Stake President.  When I got up there I recognized a couple of the men in the ward.  Ideas started going through my mind; a calling to a position in one of the elder's quorums?  an assistant ward clerk?  what?

As I went in to talk with one of the counselors, the first question he asked me was, "Have you impressed your bishop?"  That seemed an odd question and I really couldn't answer it.  He then asked me what I was doing in The Church.  I told him that I presently did not have a calling in the ward.  He then asked me if I would serve as the second counselor in the Bishopric.  That question almost short-circuited my brain.  I didn't know what to say.  I felt most unworthy and inadequate.  I told the member of the Stake Presidency why I felt that way and requested a talk with Bishop Shelley.  We talked, he told me to see him after church.

That gave me the opportunity to go home and pray.  I cried and cried and I felt so inadequate.  I prayed for comfort and strength and peace of mind.  I prayed that the Lord would help me to accept the decisions made by his ordained leaders.

As I walked back to church I felt a feeling of peace come over me.  There had been a lot of doubts and reservations going through my mind.  All my bad actions, thoughts and deeds came to mind.  The prayer helped a great deal.

After sacrament I talked again with the Bishop and got things squared away for lots of work to come. I started the minute that I walked out of his office.  We counted up tithing, fast offerings, and budget then went and deposited them at the bank.  Rob was very helpful and gracious as he assisted me.

I then went back and talked to President Thompson.

What a day!  Up to the MTC after finishing my fast (one of the best I've had in a long time).  Problems with AU in the gym with all the Brazilian missionaries.

Valerie came down from Murray to visit.  She is a gem and I think I better keep an eye on her.

John got back from Idaho.  I missed him.  We shared experiences from our mission journals and laughed.  I do love him and will miss him greatly when he gets married.

I called Mom today.  She was depressed and in tears.  She feels at times that she has failed in raising her family in The Church.  I tried to comfort her.

A valiant woman.  I love her dearly.


JC

The Highs & The Lows Of Life

I guess one does change on life's waves make their impressions in the bedrock of youth.  I used to have such problems staying in the library to study.  It was especially difficult during the warm summer months.  It still isn't easy but the discipline is gradually becoming more evident in my life.  My, but what a struggle this life has been.  How happy I have been at times and how low I have plunged.  Sometimes life is so filled with activities that the excitement never seems to ebb.  At other times the daily grind of things can approach a hypnotic state.

I took a tour through the MTC tonight.  It was my Religion 130 class (Mission Prep).  I felt the Spirit very strongly.


JC

A Special Experience With Jeff Hafen

Jeff Hafen and I had a long talk today.  He bought me an ice-cream bar then we went to the custodian office and talked.  I was very frank in telling him about myself, my philosophies, and my sometime feelings of inferiority.  He reached out and touched me with his love and concern.

He told me of his father-in-law's father who had recently committed suicide.  Nobody in the immediate family was able to go into the room where the suicide took place to clean up.  Jeff was asked and responded.  He told me of the awful feelings of nausea that overcame him; how he was forced out of the room several times.  there was a lot of blood in the room and on the walls.  He told me of how, during this ordeal, the Spirit came to him reminding him of his baptismal covenants to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.  It was very touching.

He also told me of his feelings for me and how he saw in me some of Nephi's attributes.

I'm not sure that I have ever had an experience like that.  We knelt and prayed and I felt the Spirit very strongly.

I feel very weak and humble right now.

I got an A on my Stats test today which was sure a blessing.  I've been thinking about Anne a bit today.


JC

Giggling Missionaries

Choice teaching moment tonight in Ambassadorship.  I've lately been trying to memorize the names of the missionaries in my English zone.  Tonight several missionaries switched name tags in order to try and confuse me and it worked.  I asked Elder Wells (who was really Elder Jarr) to read a scripture.  He proceeded to read until he got the giggles.  Then his whole district joined in.  That didn't bother me at first (I thought it rather funny) but they kept it up for a good five minutes.  I couldn't quiet them down so I started getting pretty upset.  Finally I just put my head down and lit it grow quiet.  It did get real quiet.  I'm sure that they were expecting me to yell at them or at least lecture them.  While it was quiet I was thinking what I should do.  I think that I was able to put the whole thing in perspective and I just thought of the great love that I have for the missionaries and the great sacrifices they make to be in the mission field.  The rest of the lesson went well and the testimony meeting turned out great.  It's such a blessing to work with the Lord's servants.

"I can't say it enough - my parents are the greatest!!"

Who do I brag about first - Mom or Dad?  Heads, so I'll start with Mom.

They got back from the Wool Growers Convention in Vail where they were both honored.  Mom as the GWGA Auxiliary Past President and Dad as the Guest of Honor.  I just looked back in my journal and realized that I have just written some of these things twice.  I will vouch for Mother's skill in speech-making.  I have never heard her give an unimpressive speech.  And unlike most other people, I think that I judge her harder than anybody else I know.

Some of Dad's accomplishment's are as follows: First Chairman of The Wool and Sheep Board.  The program for the convention which raise $18,000 dollars for the CWG was his brain child.  Chairman or Co-Chairman of the Convention for 7 years.  President of Wool Growers for two years (and later, the Outstanding Man in Agriculture, Mesa County 1998).  Plus this year he was named Wool Grower of the Year.

I know that there are so many other things that he has done that he won't take credit for.

I can't say it enough, my parents are the greatest!!

Well, the Lord does work in mysterious ways.  We had a lesson in Sunday School on teaching with love.  One strong point that really stuck is how we shouldn't aspire to leadership positions.  Well, this fit in pretty well and helped me with my problems in this area.

Then during fast and testimony meeting the thought came up.  That it doesn't really matter where we serve as long as we are the best.  I think I convinced myself that if I wasn't going to get called to a leadership position then there was a reason for it and I would be the best junior companion in the mission, even if it was for two years.  This may sound extreme but I was really feeling that way.  Then after the closing prayer, President Barrett came up to me and asked me if I would serve as an acting District Leader for the new district coming in this Thursday.  Of all the things this was the least expected.  I do know that the call must have been inspired.  I really don't know why I know, it is just that I knew in my heart that the Lord prompted him to do this.

We went to a fourteen stake fireside tonight at the Marriott Center.  I don't think that I have ever seen so many good-looking girls in my life.  To say the least it was pretty hard to concentrate.  Elder Pulman spoke about friends, both living and the kind we find through books.  I sure am glad though that I don't have to go back there until after my mission!!!

The Foot Race Talk: "A Proud Grandson"

I am truly on a spiritual high today.  My day didn't start out in a very promising way.  Our door was "pennyed" so that we couldn't get out.  We also didn't wake up until 6:45 which was real late.  However those were perhaps the only things that went wrong with my day.

I gave my talk on the importance of journals.  For perhaps the first time in my life I have prayed for inspiration on a talk and then exercised the faith to receive it.  I had an entry to read out of my journal (my foot race).  I thought that it would be of some inspiration to someone.  However I didn't quite know how to read it without feeling as though I was bragging.

We came to the meeting and just before we walked into the room I received the inspiration on how to do it.  I treated my journal as if it had been my Grandfather's.  I pretended that I found it, then I read the part as though I was a proud grandson reading about his Grandfather's mission experiences.  I felt the spirit with me when I read it so I read with confidence and emotion.  I think it was well received.  I got a lot of compliments from the elders in my district on the talk.  I felt totally unworthy of the praise because I know that Heavenly Father provided the inspiration for the talk and the spirit was there while I was giving it.  There is no way that it could have gone wrong.

In our culture class I learned a great deal.  Our instructor Elder Reed Harris talked to us on the importance of having charity for the people in Bolivia.  I came out of class with a new feeling towards that word.  The spirit again was in that class and it taught me a great deal.  I felt so good.  We then went to family home evening.  I felt the spirit there again and very strongly.  All the contributions of them members of my district fell upon my heart.

I was finding (with directions by the spirit) things in both The Book of Mormon and New Testament that worked right into the lesson.  Tonight I felt love for my district, true love.  I wanted to hug the sisters like I could the elders but just had to settle for a good handshake.

To top off the night, Elder Brown and I had a real good companionship inventory.  We talked more freely than ever before.  It is now 10:30 and time for bed.  I wish I could write more but it is a rule.  I can't wait to pray!

The Foot Race

An interesting event happened today.

During gym, 1/3 of the hour is stretching and calesthenics, 1/3 is running and the other 1/3 is playing volleyball.  They do this to rotate groups.  We run outside around the MTC.  If I were to guess I would say that the circuit was close to 1/2 of a mile.  I usually run two laps around outside and then finish up inside the gym.  Normally I am pretty mellow when I run and I just try and keep a steady pace.  Today was rather unusual however.

It seems as though everything was going wrong today.  This morning I missed a few questions.  Once I thought I was telling her (the teacher) to talk slower and I really told her to talk faster.  Then in retention I learned about 40 lines and forgot them a lot faster than I had learned them.  Those plus other things had gotten me pretty irritable.

As I was running I was thinking negative split.  Not for my running but for my mission.  (Negative split is when the last half of a race is faster than the first half.)

I had just finished my first lap at a good rate and was about to slow down when I saw this elder ahead of me.  I don't know his name yet but I recognized him from our branch.  Well he was about 50 yards ahead of me.  I thought that I would use him for a pacer and try and finish the same distance behind (he was running pretty fast).  I picked up my pace a bit (not too much) and by the time we were half way around I was still in the same position.  The parking lot was slightly sloped uphill.  I don't know why but I decided that I would try to catch him.  He was still 50 yards ahead but I started gaining.  With about 200 yards to go I was about 20 yards behind.  Now it must be made known that this guy was fast and he started running faster.  (He must know what a negative split is too, or so it seemed).  I am a terrible runner and my ankle doesn't help.  Every time I step on it, it cracks.

I must have been using all those built up pressures for fuel because even though I was gasping for air and dead tired I was going to win that race!  I was dying.  I hadn't run that hard that forever.  We crossed a construction bridge with about 35-40 yards left and I was about 5-10 feet behind, I don't remember.  By this time I was scared.  What had started out as a simple challenge had become life or death for me.  I was about to give up.  With 5 yards left I gave my last surge.  He let up, I won!  I couldn't believe it.  I had set my mind to beat that guy and I did it.  I started to cry.  Not big tears but two small ones.  I was full of joy, not because I won the foot race.  That was only part of it.  I realized that I can do anything if I want it bad enough.  If I am willing to pay the price.

There was no crowd watching me today when I ran, but I believe that my Dad, my friends, my Heavenly Father would have been proud of me.  Not because I ran the race but because I set my goal high, always kept it in sight and using all my strength attained it.

A Prompting About Elder Christensen's Dad

I only have a few minutes now between dinner and class.  Yesterday was really neat.  I had a good interview with my Branch President.  President Barrett helped me get a few things off my mind.

We all attended the mission conference.  It was really neat.  They are re-organizing the MTC Presidency so all of the old MTC presidency members and their wives spoke.  President Pinegar is a real neat man.  The spirit was so strong that I almost cried with every song.  Every song was absolutely beautiful with 2,000 missionaries singing their hearts out.

After dinner and studying we went to our culture class.  It is really neat and it made me really excited to get to Bolivia.

After class and some more studying we had Family Night with my district.  We had a testimony meeting that was bar-none.  It was really neat and I felt the spirit as perhaps never before.

The most special event of the day though was when we were walking over to the administrative building afterwards.  For some reason my thoughts were directed to my father and I received the most wonderful spirit.  It filled my whole body, bringing tears to my eyes.  I didn't hear any voices but I felt as never before that things would be alright with my father and that things are going to change in his life.

I got up at 5:30 this morning and got right into things.  I am almost finished with The Book of Mormon.  It will be the first time in my life that I have read it clear through.  It won't be the last time.  I also passed off my third concepts in Spanish.  I know the Lord has blessed me tremendously and I pray that I can do better everyday so that I can be a good tool in His work and glory.