My feelings have fluctuated quite a bit today. I studied all afternoon for my statistics test then I got an 84 on it. I was upset. I studied harder for this test than for any of the others but my results were poor.
I came home to eat some dinner before returning to the library and found myself being quite crass with my roommates. I then sat down and read for a good hour about Churchill. That was therapy for my feelings. I read of his school days. What a different kind of education we get now.
I went back up to school feeling happy and enjoying the beautiful spring evening. I read in the reserve library until 10:30 then I picked up a book on Mormons and Muslims. It instilled in me an instant desire to go out and see the world, especially the Middle East, instead of just reading about them.
John is trying to find out if he should marry Suzy. I feel for him!
JC
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 6, 1984
Thursday, July 26, 1979
Love & The Real Honest To Goodness Cookie Monster
I got a letter from Linda today. It was a pretty good one. I am getting a little worried about her though. It seems to me as though she is getting it cemented into her head and that I am the only one for her. I am afraid that I will have to write her a letter to try and shift her to a slower speed. It is scary dealing with a young lady's state of mind. Especially in these circumstances. I hope she will take what I have to say and not read in between the lines and think that some horrible change is coming over me. I really do love that redhead with the gap in her teeth!
Tonight in our branch meeting during the prelude music I felt really close to our Heavenly Father. There is a certain elder in our branch who has composed some beautiful music. I really had to struggle to hold back tears. I don't consider myself a crybaby in the least sense of the word but here at the MTC with the spirit that is here it is just impossible not to find yourself crying now and then.
The kind of love that I felt from my Heavenly Father tonight was very special. It wasn't the excited joyful feeling that you receive after working with all your might, doing what's right and succeeding. The love I felt tonight was the love of charity like the kind a boy feels from his father even after he has been slothful or done something wrong. I could say that it was love that accompanies our Heavenly Father's forgiveness. Even when we don't deserve it.
I know that the Lord loves us because I have felt that love. I think that I might even have a minuscule amount of it. At least at times, like when I think of telling my family goodbye, or looking at the elders in my district in the temple and wanting to hug the lot of them.
On a lighter note, it is really amazing to me to watch Elder Brown when I offer him one of my cookies. His face really lights up. He reminds me of a little kid at Christmas. I told him that and he even agreed with me. I think that I have found the real honest to goodness cookie monster!
Tonight in our branch meeting during the prelude music I felt really close to our Heavenly Father. There is a certain elder in our branch who has composed some beautiful music. I really had to struggle to hold back tears. I don't consider myself a crybaby in the least sense of the word but here at the MTC with the spirit that is here it is just impossible not to find yourself crying now and then.
The kind of love that I felt from my Heavenly Father tonight was very special. It wasn't the excited joyful feeling that you receive after working with all your might, doing what's right and succeeding. The love I felt tonight was the love of charity like the kind a boy feels from his father even after he has been slothful or done something wrong. I could say that it was love that accompanies our Heavenly Father's forgiveness. Even when we don't deserve it.
I know that the Lord loves us because I have felt that love. I think that I might even have a minuscule amount of it. At least at times, like when I think of telling my family goodbye, or looking at the elders in my district in the temple and wanting to hug the lot of them.
On a lighter note, it is really amazing to me to watch Elder Brown when I offer him one of my cookies. His face really lights up. He reminds me of a little kid at Christmas. I told him that and he even agreed with me. I think that I have found the real honest to goodness cookie monster!
Friday, July 13, 1979
The Foot Race
An interesting event happened today.
During gym, 1/3 of the hour is stretching and calesthenics, 1/3 is running and the other 1/3 is playing volleyball. They do this to rotate groups. We run outside around the MTC. If I were to guess I would say that the circuit was close to 1/2 of a mile. I usually run two laps around outside and then finish up inside the gym. Normally I am pretty mellow when I run and I just try and keep a steady pace. Today was rather unusual however.
It seems as though everything was going wrong today. This morning I missed a few questions. Once I thought I was telling her (the teacher) to talk slower and I really told her to talk faster. Then in retention I learned about 40 lines and forgot them a lot faster than I had learned them. Those plus other things had gotten me pretty irritable.
As I was running I was thinking negative split. Not for my running but for my mission. (Negative split is when the last half of a race is faster than the first half.)
I had just finished my first lap at a good rate and was about to slow down when I saw this elder ahead of me. I don't know his name yet but I recognized him from our branch. Well he was about 50 yards ahead of me. I thought that I would use him for a pacer and try and finish the same distance behind (he was running pretty fast). I picked up my pace a bit (not too much) and by the time we were half way around I was still in the same position. The parking lot was slightly sloped uphill. I don't know why but I decided that I would try to catch him. He was still 50 yards ahead but I started gaining. With about 200 yards to go I was about 20 yards behind. Now it must be made known that this guy was fast and he started running faster. (He must know what a negative split is too, or so it seemed). I am a terrible runner and my ankle doesn't help. Every time I step on it, it cracks.
I must have been using all those built up pressures for fuel because even though I was gasping for air and dead tired I was going to win that race! I was dying. I hadn't run that hard that forever. We crossed a construction bridge with about 35-40 yards left and I was about 5-10 feet behind, I don't remember. By this time I was scared. What had started out as a simple challenge had become life or death for me. I was about to give up. With 5 yards left I gave my last surge. He let up, I won! I couldn't believe it. I had set my mind to beat that guy and I did it. I started to cry. Not big tears but two small ones. I was full of joy, not because I won the foot race. That was only part of it. I realized that I can do anything if I want it bad enough. If I am willing to pay the price.
There was no crowd watching me today when I ran, but I believe that my Dad, my friends, my Heavenly Father would have been proud of me. Not because I ran the race but because I set my goal high, always kept it in sight and using all my strength attained it.
During gym, 1/3 of the hour is stretching and calesthenics, 1/3 is running and the other 1/3 is playing volleyball. They do this to rotate groups. We run outside around the MTC. If I were to guess I would say that the circuit was close to 1/2 of a mile. I usually run two laps around outside and then finish up inside the gym. Normally I am pretty mellow when I run and I just try and keep a steady pace. Today was rather unusual however.
It seems as though everything was going wrong today. This morning I missed a few questions. Once I thought I was telling her (the teacher) to talk slower and I really told her to talk faster. Then in retention I learned about 40 lines and forgot them a lot faster than I had learned them. Those plus other things had gotten me pretty irritable.
As I was running I was thinking negative split. Not for my running but for my mission. (Negative split is when the last half of a race is faster than the first half.)
I had just finished my first lap at a good rate and was about to slow down when I saw this elder ahead of me. I don't know his name yet but I recognized him from our branch. Well he was about 50 yards ahead of me. I thought that I would use him for a pacer and try and finish the same distance behind (he was running pretty fast). I picked up my pace a bit (not too much) and by the time we were half way around I was still in the same position. The parking lot was slightly sloped uphill. I don't know why but I decided that I would try to catch him. He was still 50 yards ahead but I started gaining. With about 200 yards to go I was about 20 yards behind. Now it must be made known that this guy was fast and he started running faster. (He must know what a negative split is too, or so it seemed). I am a terrible runner and my ankle doesn't help. Every time I step on it, it cracks.
I must have been using all those built up pressures for fuel because even though I was gasping for air and dead tired I was going to win that race! I was dying. I hadn't run that hard that forever. We crossed a construction bridge with about 35-40 yards left and I was about 5-10 feet behind, I don't remember. By this time I was scared. What had started out as a simple challenge had become life or death for me. I was about to give up. With 5 yards left I gave my last surge. He let up, I won! I couldn't believe it. I had set my mind to beat that guy and I did it. I started to cry. Not big tears but two small ones. I was full of joy, not because I won the foot race. That was only part of it. I realized that I can do anything if I want it bad enough. If I am willing to pay the price.
There was no crowd watching me today when I ran, but I believe that my Dad, my friends, my Heavenly Father would have been proud of me. Not because I ran the race but because I set my goal high, always kept it in sight and using all my strength attained it.
Sunday, June 17, 1979
JC's Mission Farwell & Being Set Apart
Today was one of the choicest days of my life. Today was Father's Day and the day of my farewell.
I think the best thing about today is the special feelings that I have had for my father. I don't think that I have ever seen him better. He showed real joy and appreciation for the gifts which he received.
The most special part of the day for me was Sacrament meeting. The bishop spoke. He even remembered a talk that I gave when I was 14. Then Kerri in her meek but beautiful way, got up and told me that she loved me. I get nervous every time she stands before a crowd. Not because I'm worried about her speech difficulties but because her words always bring out my strongest emotions. I often find myself choking on tears when she stands. Jan followed Kerri with a "Dear John". She reflected back on some of the moments that we have shared. The long talks (which haven't been long enough) and shared confidences were mentioned in the talk. Next came Kris. She reflected some experiences that she has had with me. Saving me from choking on a jack.
From time to time throughout the service, I struggled vainly with my emotions and tears.
Sister Marion Pond sang a song entitled "My Little Boy". The song was composed by her. It was very stirring.
Mother spoke of the missionary mold and the qualities that this particular "model" has.
I believe that the highlight of the day was when my beloved father spoke. He fairly quickly wandered off of his notes. His manner of speaking is so beautiful that no one would have guessed. He expressed his appreciation to those people in the ward who had made contributions in my life (there are many). He then went on to thank my friends. It is hard for me to remember exactly what he said. I was too busy fighting tear drops. I do know that I don't believe that I have ever felt closer to him in my entire life. His words came from his heart and I could feel his love for me as never before. He closed his talk with some Spanish phrases which really hit me. He said "John, 'Noja con Dios', 'Bueno suerte'" and one other that I can not recall.
The Lord helped me get through my talk somehow. I wouldn't be surprised if no one heard anything. They were probably pondering and savoring the preceding excellent talks. I talked about missionary work. I read a letter to my grandma that was written while my grandfather was in the mission field in 1912. I closed by bearing my testimony and reading from Alma, his parting words with Shiblon who was going on a mission.
Brother Ken Lowell finished by singing "Ye Who Are Called To Labor". Mike Chovey offered the benediction.
After Sacrament we had an open house. It was enjoyable talking to those people whom I love so much and have helped me so dearly. While at the open house, Bishop Christensen walked up to Jeff and I and informed us that we were both going to be set apart tonight. Jeff and I both headed for the phones. He to call his girlfriend and I to talk with my dearest Linda. She must feel terribly left out. Linda sounded kind of down. I did my best to cheer her up but I am not too sure of my success. It was hard saying goodbye. I later found out that it would be OK to call her even after I was set apart. I doubt that I will call her again however because I think that it will be easier for her not to hear my voice again.
After Sacrament the Bishop handed me a check. It was for the sum of one-hundred dollars. Even though it was written on a Church check, I would not be surprised if the money came out of his pocket. Sister Klaich gave me a book by Carol Lynn Pearson and twenty dollars. This good woman has two sons on missions and she does not have a lot of money. I know the Lord will bless her.
At 8:00 pm we went to the Stake President's office. He interviewed me then Jeff Smith, I then had the opportunity to stand in while Jeff was set apart. Then Jeff and his Dad, my Dad, the Bishop stood in while the Stake President set me apart. President Cleghorn said some marvelous things. I hope and pray that I will be able to live up to the blessings that are in store for my family and myself.
We came home and listened to tapes of conversations and my birthday party.
We are going to head up to Aspen in the morning.
I took Debbie out last night and she gave me a pen to match my pencil. I was touched.
Friday night we (the young adults) went to Birline Lake to water ski and swim out. Afterwards we went to Pizza Hut to munch down. On Wednesday night I took Julie Waldrop out. I had to get my two year quota filled. It was fun. I enjoyed talking to her.
I AM A MISSIONARY!!!!! I can't believe it.
I think the best thing about today is the special feelings that I have had for my father. I don't think that I have ever seen him better. He showed real joy and appreciation for the gifts which he received.
The most special part of the day for me was Sacrament meeting. The bishop spoke. He even remembered a talk that I gave when I was 14. Then Kerri in her meek but beautiful way, got up and told me that she loved me. I get nervous every time she stands before a crowd. Not because I'm worried about her speech difficulties but because her words always bring out my strongest emotions. I often find myself choking on tears when she stands. Jan followed Kerri with a "Dear John". She reflected back on some of the moments that we have shared. The long talks (which haven't been long enough) and shared confidences were mentioned in the talk. Next came Kris. She reflected some experiences that she has had with me. Saving me from choking on a jack.
From time to time throughout the service, I struggled vainly with my emotions and tears.
Sister Marion Pond sang a song entitled "My Little Boy". The song was composed by her. It was very stirring.
Mother spoke of the missionary mold and the qualities that this particular "model" has.
I believe that the highlight of the day was when my beloved father spoke. He fairly quickly wandered off of his notes. His manner of speaking is so beautiful that no one would have guessed. He expressed his appreciation to those people in the ward who had made contributions in my life (there are many). He then went on to thank my friends. It is hard for me to remember exactly what he said. I was too busy fighting tear drops. I do know that I don't believe that I have ever felt closer to him in my entire life. His words came from his heart and I could feel his love for me as never before. He closed his talk with some Spanish phrases which really hit me. He said "John, 'Noja con Dios', 'Bueno suerte'" and one other that I can not recall.
The Lord helped me get through my talk somehow. I wouldn't be surprised if no one heard anything. They were probably pondering and savoring the preceding excellent talks. I talked about missionary work. I read a letter to my grandma that was written while my grandfather was in the mission field in 1912. I closed by bearing my testimony and reading from Alma, his parting words with Shiblon who was going on a mission.
Brother Ken Lowell finished by singing "Ye Who Are Called To Labor". Mike Chovey offered the benediction.
After Sacrament we had an open house. It was enjoyable talking to those people whom I love so much and have helped me so dearly. While at the open house, Bishop Christensen walked up to Jeff and I and informed us that we were both going to be set apart tonight. Jeff and I both headed for the phones. He to call his girlfriend and I to talk with my dearest Linda. She must feel terribly left out. Linda sounded kind of down. I did my best to cheer her up but I am not too sure of my success. It was hard saying goodbye. I later found out that it would be OK to call her even after I was set apart. I doubt that I will call her again however because I think that it will be easier for her not to hear my voice again.
After Sacrament the Bishop handed me a check. It was for the sum of one-hundred dollars. Even though it was written on a Church check, I would not be surprised if the money came out of his pocket. Sister Klaich gave me a book by Carol Lynn Pearson and twenty dollars. This good woman has two sons on missions and she does not have a lot of money. I know the Lord will bless her.
At 8:00 pm we went to the Stake President's office. He interviewed me then Jeff Smith, I then had the opportunity to stand in while Jeff was set apart. Then Jeff and his Dad, my Dad, the Bishop stood in while the Stake President set me apart. President Cleghorn said some marvelous things. I hope and pray that I will be able to live up to the blessings that are in store for my family and myself.
We came home and listened to tapes of conversations and my birthday party.
We are going to head up to Aspen in the morning.
I took Debbie out last night and she gave me a pen to match my pencil. I was touched.
Friday night we (the young adults) went to Birline Lake to water ski and swim out. Afterwards we went to Pizza Hut to munch down. On Wednesday night I took Julie Waldrop out. I had to get my two year quota filled. It was fun. I enjoyed talking to her.
I AM A MISSIONARY!!!!! I can't believe it.
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